hi, my name is martha.

actually, my name is bethany but for the sake of this post you can call me martha.

luke 10:38-42
"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, 'Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!'

'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.'"

(sorry, can we just re-read that passage. i know you have read it before. this next time really read it.)

hi my name is bethany (martha). i love control. i am independent. i like to feel accomplished. i want structure. i want order. i want things done right. i want to be right. i am always right. 
if you don't want to do it or don't do it the way i want, i will do it myself. 

i try to do a lot on my own. i find it easier. i don't have to depend on other people. i don't have to be needy or clingy. my way or the highway. 


most of us have probably heard the story of mary and martha numerous times. but have you ever been told you are a martha? i have. and i am. i am a martha.

"Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

wow. talk about feeling convicted. 
sometimes us "marthas" like to drag our desire for order, accomplishment, and independence into our relationship with our Heavenly Father. 

i do. all. the. time.

accomplished? i read my bible. check.

structures? i did my devotions in the morning, at the specified time, in this specific order. read then pray.  (you can't pray and then read. doesn't work like that. that is breaking the proper, everyday structure.) check.

in control? oh yea. i get to pick what i do, when i do it, and why i do it. check.

wow. there was a lot of "i" written in that last part. (i even made a list so i could cross it off...i really am proving my own point.)

PROBLEM. 

my time with Dad shouldn't be about me, should it?

Jesus Calling punched me in the face on June 19th:

"Glorifying and enjoying Me is a higher priority than maintaining  a tidy, structured life."

probably i felt a lot like Martha felt. disappointed in myself for sure.
martha wasn't right.
i am not right.

BUT WAIT! 

that wasn't all Jesus Calling punched me with on June 19th:

"...as long as you cling to My hand."

oooooooo. sorry, Jesus, are you asking me to be clingy?
are you asking me to hold your hand ALL THE TIME?

punch. (no, not the kind you drink.) punch to the face. again. i am actually called to not depend on myself.

okay. i can do this. (wow. what did i just get done talking about?)
no.
i can't do this.
only HE can.

forget the structure, forget the lists, the maintained, perfect, tidy, life. forget being independent.
cling.
cling hard. 


are you a martha? or a mary?


-martha