traveling.

"when are you leaving?"

that is the question my little brother asked me the second he saw me upon my return for christmas vacation.
feel the love. 

if you know me well, you know i hate flying. i have had way too many bad experiences to count [they might not be that bad...i may just be a tad dramatic].

any-who, i was not looking forward to flying home. i just wanted to BE home. 
i was, however, excited to finish my book i have been reading, Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers [probably you should read it] while i traveled. 

each flight i take without getting sick is a milestone in my life and this time i had three. luckily, i had me friend, joe's, blessing. he said: "i wish you no screaming babies or neighbors with exceedingly wide girths". [thanks joe, i'm glad you care.]

- columbus, ohio to los angeles, california [1st flight] : nailed it. slept almost the whole time. 
- los angeles, california to seattle, washington [2nd flight] :  more than nailed.
     :on this flight from california to washington i was blessed to sit next to two wonderful ladies, donna and melinda. donna is an older woman who's niece recently passed away. donna now cares for her niece's three children. [she is pretty much super woman.] melinda was in her forties. she was a very driven, successful woman. she talked to me about her partner, her dog, her job, everything. who knew how much you could get to know someone in just a few short hours. 
      we all have a love for reading and i decided to tell them about this book that i was in love with, Redeeming Love. the book is based on the book of Hosea in the Bible and i felt compelled to tell them about it. now, it is a rare occasion for me to find a book that i am in love with. that is why the next part of this story got really hard. 
      i was sitting on the plane, reading my book. loving it. around 100 pages left. and a four hour layover coming up in seattle. i was golden. i was going to finish. [WAS is a key word here.] we were preparing for our descent when i heard jesus tell me to give melinda my book. 

funny jesus! you see i really like this book and i am almost done. so no thank you, i think i will keep it for myself. 

it's just a book, bethany. 

true. it is a book. a book i really enjoy. i don't want to give it to her. then i have to buy a new one and wait for it to ship to me. 
tell you what jesus, i'll give melinda my book IF [and ONLY if] she didn't bring a book with her. [melinda had admitted to me that she is an avid reader and sometimes is reading ten different books at once. i had jesus played.]

so, i turned to melinda: "did you bring any books to read on your trip?"
melinda [embarrassing me in front of jesus]: "no, i didn't! i left them all at home."

go ahead. laugh. 

i gave melinda my book. she started reading it the second i [slightly reluctantly] put it in her hands. 

i am unaware if melinda or donna are christians, but they gave no indication. i know that i cannot save melinda or donna. but jesus can. as i handed over my book, i sat for the remainder of my flight and prayed. i prayed for donna. for melinda. for my book: that jesus would use it to plant or water a seed. God is good. you see, melinda wasn't even supposed to be on the flight with donna and i. she had missed her flight earlier in the day and was lucky to get a spot on our flight. 

in seattle, i went to get my nails done [due to having four hours and no book]. the nail salon is great. you can go and get a manicure in a half hour....or an hour and a half in my case. kendall did a beautiful job on my nails. i enjoyed our conversation talking about her daughters and her non-profit organization she is trying to start. she plans on giving hospitalized teenagers the opportunity to do things they may miss out on. kendall has a wonderful heart and i would ask that you join with me to pray for her, her daughters [one of which was hospitalized for a number of months], and her sprouting non-profit.

you would think i would be peopled-out. but i am a talker. and it feels like no matter where i went or what i did, God had orchestrated my whole trip to the T. 

i grabbed some food and went to find an outlet for my phone. that is when i met cheryl. cheryl randomly introduced herself to me and started telling me about what an awful traveling experience she had. she was trying to get home to hong kong for her last medical classes before her finals and had missed her flight. now she had endless hours of travel and layovers. we sat and talked for a good hour about the differences between our cultures, being a christian in hong kong, and future medical plans we have. she even gave me a postcard from hong kong! [meeting people really is one of my favorite things.]

- seattle, washington to ketchikan, alaska & ketchikan, alaska to juneau, alaska [3rd flight] : golden. 
     :i sat next to a little girl who thought she knew me well enough to use me as a garbage. her dad was impressed. [my tired eyes? not so much.]


when i finally got home, after a very long day, i told me dad and sister about melinda and my book. 
my sister asked me what book it was. Redeeming Love. guess what. jesus owned me. there was a copy of the book at my house. [okay jesus, you win.] 

God is good. i sometimes wish i would have given melinda some contact information so i could keep up with her. but i am just going to have to trust and pray. and in a way, he kind of redeemed my view on traveling. funny how that works. 

have you had any experiences such as this? i'd love to hear about them! 

hi, my name is martha.

actually, my name is bethany but for the sake of this post you can call me martha.

luke 10:38-42
"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, 'Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!'

'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.'"

(sorry, can we just re-read that passage. i know you have read it before. this next time really read it.)

hi my name is bethany (martha). i love control. i am independent. i like to feel accomplished. i want structure. i want order. i want things done right. i want to be right. i am always right. 
if you don't want to do it or don't do it the way i want, i will do it myself. 

i try to do a lot on my own. i find it easier. i don't have to depend on other people. i don't have to be needy or clingy. my way or the highway. 


most of us have probably heard the story of mary and martha numerous times. but have you ever been told you are a martha? i have. and i am. i am a martha.

"Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

wow. talk about feeling convicted. 
sometimes us "marthas" like to drag our desire for order, accomplishment, and independence into our relationship with our Heavenly Father. 

i do. all. the. time.

accomplished? i read my bible. check.

structures? i did my devotions in the morning, at the specified time, in this specific order. read then pray.  (you can't pray and then read. doesn't work like that. that is breaking the proper, everyday structure.) check.

in control? oh yea. i get to pick what i do, when i do it, and why i do it. check.

wow. there was a lot of "i" written in that last part. (i even made a list so i could cross it off...i really am proving my own point.)

PROBLEM. 

my time with Dad shouldn't be about me, should it?

Jesus Calling punched me in the face on June 19th:

"Glorifying and enjoying Me is a higher priority than maintaining  a tidy, structured life."

probably i felt a lot like Martha felt. disappointed in myself for sure.
martha wasn't right.
i am not right.

BUT WAIT! 

that wasn't all Jesus Calling punched me with on June 19th:

"...as long as you cling to My hand."

oooooooo. sorry, Jesus, are you asking me to be clingy?
are you asking me to hold your hand ALL THE TIME?

punch. (no, not the kind you drink.) punch to the face. again. i am actually called to not depend on myself.

okay. i can do this. (wow. what did i just get done talking about?)
no.
i can't do this.
only HE can.

forget the structure, forget the lists, the maintained, perfect, tidy, life. forget being independent.
cling.
cling hard. 


are you a martha? or a mary?


-martha

i don't read. but i am. and my heart hurts.

my name's bethany.
i dislike reading.


most of the time.

a friend of mine, over christmas break, suggested i read kisses from katie by katie davis. she briefly summarized it and offered to let me borrow her copy. but there was a problem. if i am going to read a book, i am not just going to read a book....i am going to write in it. i love writing in books. (if you are an avid book lover, please forgive me. i mean no harm.) i love writing. i love sharing books. i love love love it. i love getting books back and reading what other people wrote, circled, or underlined. this first started when i lent my purpose driven life to my older sister. (who is an avid book lover and would kill me if i ever wrote in one of her books...or folded the corner of the page....yep. i am one of those too.) anyway, she read through the book and then gave it back to me. i had the lovely pleasure of going through and reading her notes. i am pretty sure i told her she HAD to write in it. (i probably just about killed her ha) wow i feel like this is a really long tangent. back to the book kisses from katie. i needed my own copy. so i got one. and read the first...mmmmm....three pages. (?) i brought it back to school with me, and didn't touch it. (i am telling you, i am not an avid book lover) i even brought the book with me over spring break. did i read it? guess.

yea i did. don't be hatin'. you all thought i didn't. well, i read like three more pages...maybe.

the week after spring break is/was super busy. but i picked up this wonderful book and kept reading. i love it. it amazes me. and i am only on page 93. it is even taking a ton of effort to type this and not be reading.

so what is the whole point of me telling you this? well, i hate spoilers. so i am not going to tell you the whole book (ha because i only what happens up to page 93 haha). but it is about a woman with a beautiful hear named katie. she goes to uganda. she teaches kindergarten, at the ripe age of eighteen. God takes her story even further than that. the things that happen in this book make my heart hurt but i am happy to know that God has placed specific people in uganda, people like katie, to do His work. i am not going to tell you anymore about the book, but i do think that you should check it out and look at her blog. =) she runs a wonderful ministry, which you will learn about when you read the book. because you will read the book. check it out. trust me.

-b

here is the blog: http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/

here is where you can buy her book: http://www.amazon.com/Kisses-Katie-Story-Relentless-Redemption/dp/1451612095/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1363409762&sr=8-1&keywords=kisses+from+katie

(look how helpful i am. i even gave you links. you're welcome.)