the flowers will grow tomorrow.

summer's gone, now winter's on its way
  i will miss the days we had
the days we had
  i will miss the days we had
the days we had
oh, i'll miss the days we had

winter song; the head and the heart

while we are not quite at winter, my summer days are nearing an end. i am heading back to indiana this weekend. i will spend two weeks re-training for my resident assistant job in beckett east at iwu. the next week my "little" freshies will move in. i don't even know their names but am excited to learn their stories. after that we start school. [i felt kind of gross writing that.]

i have been looking forward to going back to school for about a month now. but before that month, i wasn't ready. i didn't want to go back. at. all. there were little hurts that made me want to scream, "i'm not coming back!" really loudly from alaska [loud enough for indiana to hear]. so needless to say, i would have been perfectly happy to have never gone back. if someone had said "bethany, i will give you a donut not to go back." i would have said, "heck yes give me that donut." and not not gone back. heck, i would have taken a half of a donut.

but this summer has been a growing period. growing isn't really the funnest thing you could do but probably it is worth it. i spent multiple mondays at my mentor julie's home. we read the Bible, laughed, cried, drank sweet tea and ya know...i loved it. i spent multiple monday nights at my home with a group of young ladies talking about life and learning how to say yes to God...and ya know i loved it. so pretty much mondays rocked my world. these were the sweetest moments of summer and i am going to miss them.

when you learn positive things you learn to let go of negative things. so that is why i am excited to go back to school. because the positive things give me strength. and that strength [which is really just my love for Jesus] gives me a new perspective.

of course i [probably] won't always have this great perspective. i will likely forget and listen to satan's little whispers. but it is progress not perfection. julie would always say "we are blossoming today. the flowers will grow tomorrow." so that is my new perspective. blossoms are a sign of growth and the beauty that is and is to come. but they don't just appear. it takes some time and love.

so, if someone offered me a donut to not go back to indiana...i would grab the donut and run. indiana, i'll see you soon.

 

- B

weakness. promises. power.

"the enemy of your heart doesn't have to actually defeat you, he just has to convince you he already has." 

___

the enemy of your heart.  

when i first read this quote i was kind of disheartened. 

it reveals my weakness.

the enemy has so much pull on my heart that he doesn't actually have to win me over. he just has to whisper in my ear. 

and in me abiding in those whispers i am giving him--without a fight--first place over my heart and mind. 

i have felt this happening in my heart and mind quite often. and i was just sitting in those thoughts. sitting. and the sitting made me anxious. over and over satan would bring past mistakes and regrets to my mind and made me believe i am unworthy. 

running for me is a good release. i can think about things or not think about things. i can just run. i was running one night after work this week and saw a rainbow. so i stopped, took a picture, and kept running. i wanted to post the picture on instagram but i didn't know what to say about it. "look a rainbow!" isn't very intriguing. so while i was thinking of something clever to say, i was thinking about this rainbow. the story of noah came into my mind [ not by accident i am sure ]. 

noah: a man who lived for 950 years [ genesis 9:29 ].

can you even begin to imagine what changes you would see in people and your community in 950 years? 

the Word of The Lord says noah was a righteous man, blameless in his generation. and that he walked with God. God was upset at the wickedness of the people on the earth and he planned to wipe them out. all but noah and his family. 

genesis 6:18 says, "But I will establish my covenant with you..." 

that's pretty impressive. 

 

so God tells noah to build an ark. he gives him specifics instructions like how high and wide to make it. to bring two of every animal. to bring all different kinds of good. and his family. 

genesis 6:22 says, "noah did this; he did all that God commanded him."

not some. but all that God commanded him. could someone say that about me? that i did all that God commanded of me? [ just something to think about. ] 

but he went. he and his family and all the animals. 

and then...it rained. for forty days.

[ now, i live in southeast alaska. let me tell you: it rains ALL the time. some people like and some people don't. i am sure that has had to have been a time where it rained for forty days straight in southeast alaska. that wouldn't bother me. what would bother me? being on a boat for forty days. forty. days. i ride a boat to work, due to the fact that i work on an island, four days a week and twice a day. and that nearly does me in. so forty days? no thanks. ] 

if i was noah [ praise the Lord i'm not ] around day lets say day two i would probably start complaining [ because that's what i do ]. did noah complain? i don't know. did he ask God why? maybe, but he already knew why. because God was sad at the wickedness.

chapter 8 of genesis starts by saying "God remembered noah and all the beasts and all the livestock that were with him in the ark." 1.) i think it is important to recognize that God remembered noah 2.) i think it is important to recognize that God remembered the creatures he created [ another something interesting to think about ].

he remembered them. noah built an alter to the Lord. and God made a promise:

"'i establish my covenant with you, that never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of the flood, and never again shall there be a flood to destroy the whole earth.' and God said, 'this is the sign of the covenant that i make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations: i have set my bow in the clouds, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth. when i bring clouds over the earth and the bow is seen in the clouds, i will remember my covenant that is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh....when the bow is in the clouds, i will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature..."

i bet noah had whispers. the enemy of his heart whispered. when he was building the ark, when he was loading the ark, and when he was in the ark. i am sure the enemy whispered. maybe the whispers were from people and maybe they were in his heart but i am sure they were there. but noah was faithful, because the Lord was establishing an everlasting covenant with him.  

we go through situations daily when those whispers are in our heads and hearts. maybe they are from people and maybe they are just inside us. maybe we fall into the trap of resting in those whispers but we are not defined by the whispers we hear. we are defined by the One who cares enough to build covenants and set beautiful reminders. even though my mind is weak, i am made strong by the perfect power of the One who saves [ 2 corinthians 12:9 ]. 

 

now, when i read this quote i can rejoice knowing that we are strong and have the power to overcome whispers. 

rejoice in that fact today!

until next time,

-B 

constant.

being consistent is hard. [who knew?]
probably because i am human [but also that's probably not a good excuse].

do you know when the last time i blogged was? [ha me either!]
blogging is really hard. because i need to have something to say. and then gather the motivation to actually write it. i really do love writing, and blogging, and reading. but it's hard.

consistency. 

my friend kimberly recently came and visited me [when i say me, i really mean alaska]. i like kimberly a lot, we are pals. the last time i saw kim before she left i said, "keep in touch". she then said, "out of sight, out of mind".

i may or may not have told her that when people are not directly in my life [as in i don't see you on a weekly basis] it is really, REALLY hard for me to keep up with you. i may have even used the saying "out of sight, out of mind" [kim has a good memory]. it's not that i don't like you because really i do. my brain just has a hard time keeping track. and probably i will pull the "i am busy" card. so, ya. relationships are hard.

consistency.

if being consistent with people is hard, you can image being consistent in my relationship with God is hard too. because of time. i don't like to give my time up and i like making myself busy. so sometimes i make myself too busy. and what i recognized myself goes right along with a quote i heard:

"if the devil can't make you bad, he'll make you busy."

this is such a truth. i am learning to protect my sacred time with Jesus.

praise the Lord that God is faithful and his love is constant, even if i'm not.

***if you have any suggestions how to do any of these things more consistently, i would love love love to hear them! 


here's to more consistent blogging, relationships, and time with Jesus.

- b

you changed my world -- new years 2013 edition

you changed my world: the people i meet that in one way or another changed my life for the moments they are in it, however brief they are. enjoy.

[it might help if you try to envision me reading this to you. if i have never met you...you can make up what you think i would sound like. k thanks.]

to the 50 year old man with the camo hat, blue striped carhartt shirt and full beard [who is on his 3rd marriage]: thank you for your marriage advice and the world war II history lesson.

to the well-dressed man with the ends of his mustache curled: thank you for being awesome. if i was a man, i would want to look like you.

to the lady carrying the sleeping puppy: can i have it?

to the lady in the adorable vintage shoes with the tattoos peaking out of her sleeves: you are a knitting goddess. a sweater?! teach me your ways.

to the man with the carhartt coveralls, extra-tuff boots, and flannel: you're long white beard stands out. your costume isn't fooling me. i know you are santa claus. don't be ashamed that christmas is over. we all look forward to next year. but could you maybe send a little less cold and snow?

to the grandma who flew to alaska from texas to have a snowball flight with her grandchild: will you adopt me as your grandchild? i like presents that involve money. and my birthday is in february.

to the same grandma resting her head on her husband's shoulder: i want to be just like you.

to the lady in chicago who asked me all about my life and has visited my home town: i am glad you enjoyed juneau. now leave me alone so i can sleep.

to the smoker who said he would get sick from smoking outside in the cold: ......what about just smoking in general?


i'll probably never see you again but you changed my life like no one else could.
thank you.

traveling.

"when are you leaving?"

that is the question my little brother asked me the second he saw me upon my return for christmas vacation.
feel the love. 

if you know me well, you know i hate flying. i have had way too many bad experiences to count [they might not be that bad...i may just be a tad dramatic].

any-who, i was not looking forward to flying home. i just wanted to BE home. 
i was, however, excited to finish my book i have been reading, Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers [probably you should read it] while i traveled. 

each flight i take without getting sick is a milestone in my life and this time i had three. luckily, i had me friend, joe's, blessing. he said: "i wish you no screaming babies or neighbors with exceedingly wide girths". [thanks joe, i'm glad you care.]

- columbus, ohio to los angeles, california [1st flight] : nailed it. slept almost the whole time. 
- los angeles, california to seattle, washington [2nd flight] :  more than nailed.
     :on this flight from california to washington i was blessed to sit next to two wonderful ladies, donna and melinda. donna is an older woman who's niece recently passed away. donna now cares for her niece's three children. [she is pretty much super woman.] melinda was in her forties. she was a very driven, successful woman. she talked to me about her partner, her dog, her job, everything. who knew how much you could get to know someone in just a few short hours. 
      we all have a love for reading and i decided to tell them about this book that i was in love with, Redeeming Love. the book is based on the book of Hosea in the Bible and i felt compelled to tell them about it. now, it is a rare occasion for me to find a book that i am in love with. that is why the next part of this story got really hard. 
      i was sitting on the plane, reading my book. loving it. around 100 pages left. and a four hour layover coming up in seattle. i was golden. i was going to finish. [WAS is a key word here.] we were preparing for our descent when i heard jesus tell me to give melinda my book. 

funny jesus! you see i really like this book and i am almost done. so no thank you, i think i will keep it for myself. 

it's just a book, bethany. 

true. it is a book. a book i really enjoy. i don't want to give it to her. then i have to buy a new one and wait for it to ship to me. 
tell you what jesus, i'll give melinda my book IF [and ONLY if] she didn't bring a book with her. [melinda had admitted to me that she is an avid reader and sometimes is reading ten different books at once. i had jesus played.]

so, i turned to melinda: "did you bring any books to read on your trip?"
melinda [embarrassing me in front of jesus]: "no, i didn't! i left them all at home."

go ahead. laugh. 

i gave melinda my book. she started reading it the second i [slightly reluctantly] put it in her hands. 

i am unaware if melinda or donna are christians, but they gave no indication. i know that i cannot save melinda or donna. but jesus can. as i handed over my book, i sat for the remainder of my flight and prayed. i prayed for donna. for melinda. for my book: that jesus would use it to plant or water a seed. God is good. you see, melinda wasn't even supposed to be on the flight with donna and i. she had missed her flight earlier in the day and was lucky to get a spot on our flight. 

in seattle, i went to get my nails done [due to having four hours and no book]. the nail salon is great. you can go and get a manicure in a half hour....or an hour and a half in my case. kendall did a beautiful job on my nails. i enjoyed our conversation talking about her daughters and her non-profit organization she is trying to start. she plans on giving hospitalized teenagers the opportunity to do things they may miss out on. kendall has a wonderful heart and i would ask that you join with me to pray for her, her daughters [one of which was hospitalized for a number of months], and her sprouting non-profit.

you would think i would be peopled-out. but i am a talker. and it feels like no matter where i went or what i did, God had orchestrated my whole trip to the T. 

i grabbed some food and went to find an outlet for my phone. that is when i met cheryl. cheryl randomly introduced herself to me and started telling me about what an awful traveling experience she had. she was trying to get home to hong kong for her last medical classes before her finals and had missed her flight. now she had endless hours of travel and layovers. we sat and talked for a good hour about the differences between our cultures, being a christian in hong kong, and future medical plans we have. she even gave me a postcard from hong kong! [meeting people really is one of my favorite things.]

- seattle, washington to ketchikan, alaska & ketchikan, alaska to juneau, alaska [3rd flight] : golden. 
     :i sat next to a little girl who thought she knew me well enough to use me as a garbage. her dad was impressed. [my tired eyes? not so much.]


when i finally got home, after a very long day, i told me dad and sister about melinda and my book. 
my sister asked me what book it was. Redeeming Love. guess what. jesus owned me. there was a copy of the book at my house. [okay jesus, you win.] 

God is good. i sometimes wish i would have given melinda some contact information so i could keep up with her. but i am just going to have to trust and pray. and in a way, he kind of redeemed my view on traveling. funny how that works. 

have you had any experiences such as this? i'd love to hear about them! 

reunions.

the rest of the days: (it has been too long and i forgot when these were taken. but enjoy.) 

the family that came to the reunion. (yes there are even more.)

the cousins following in our parent's footsteps and singing "GOD IS ABLE"

my last day in juneau:

uncle cory explaining how to put the paper lanterns together.

waiting for it to take off like and air balloon.

the first lantern flying away! 

my lantern group!

valerie and leah with their lantern.

we had different shape of lanterns, including hearts!

one of the heart shaped lanterns!

the lantern flying into the mountains.

addie waiting for her lantern to fill up and fly away.

the reunion was lovely.

saying goodbye was...hard.

however, i know i will see them again!

fami-ley

day 6; thursay august 8; cummins family reunion 2013

this was a fantastic day.
why?
it was my last day working for the summer.
and then i got to spend every second of the day with my lovely cousins!

thursday night, after work, we went to waffle co. and played games.

...yea we took up three tables. (which is pretty much the length of the waffle co.)

day 7; monday august 9; cummins family reunion 2013

i am free from work. so what do i do? hike to the glacier. i got to pretend i was an official hike leader (doesn't that sound neat) and show my favorite people my favorite place to hike. enjoy these pictures:

family group pictures:

yep.

we were struggling.

 

she was complaining of being tired. so i took this picture....and then when i showed it to her she said, "don't post that anywhere." (i couldn't NOT post it.) she tried convincing me to take another one where she promised she would smile. didn't happen. oh well. =) 

---

after hiking we went to the churh and ate pizza.

we were "dying" of hunger.

then we had the opportunity to listen to our parents practice for a concert they were having on saturday.

they were in a group called ARISE when we were all little.

don't look they great.