weakness. promises. power.

"the enemy of your heart doesn't have to actually defeat you, he just has to convince you he already has." 

___

the enemy of your heart.  

when i first read this quote i was kind of disheartened. 

it reveals my weakness.

the enemy has so much pull on my heart that he doesn't actually have to win me over. he just has to whisper in my ear. 

and in me abiding in those whispers i am giving him--without a fight--first place over my heart and mind. 

i have felt this happening in my heart and mind quite often. and i was just sitting in those thoughts. sitting. and the sitting made me anxious. over and over satan would bring past mistakes and regrets to my mind and made me believe i am unworthy. 

running for me is a good release. i can think about things or not think about things. i can just run. i was running one night after work this week and saw a rainbow. so i stopped, took a picture, and kept running. i wanted to post the picture on instagram but i didn't know what to say about it. "look a rainbow!" isn't very intriguing. so while i was thinking of something clever to say, i was thinking about this rainbow. the story of noah came into my mind [ not by accident i am sure ]. 

noah: a man who lived for 950 years [ genesis 9:29 ].

can you even begin to imagine what changes you would see in people and your community in 950 years? 

the Word of The Lord says noah was a righteous man, blameless in his generation. and that he walked with God. God was upset at the wickedness of the people on the earth and he planned to wipe them out. all but noah and his family. 

genesis 6:18 says, "But I will establish my covenant with you..." 

that's pretty impressive. 

 

so God tells noah to build an ark. he gives him specifics instructions like how high and wide to make it. to bring two of every animal. to bring all different kinds of good. and his family. 

genesis 6:22 says, "noah did this; he did all that God commanded him."

not some. but all that God commanded him. could someone say that about me? that i did all that God commanded of me? [ just something to think about. ] 

but he went. he and his family and all the animals. 

and then...it rained. for forty days.

[ now, i live in southeast alaska. let me tell you: it rains ALL the time. some people like and some people don't. i am sure that has had to have been a time where it rained for forty days straight in southeast alaska. that wouldn't bother me. what would bother me? being on a boat for forty days. forty. days. i ride a boat to work, due to the fact that i work on an island, four days a week and twice a day. and that nearly does me in. so forty days? no thanks. ] 

if i was noah [ praise the Lord i'm not ] around day lets say day two i would probably start complaining [ because that's what i do ]. did noah complain? i don't know. did he ask God why? maybe, but he already knew why. because God was sad at the wickedness.

chapter 8 of genesis starts by saying "God remembered noah and all the beasts and all the livestock that were with him in the ark." 1.) i think it is important to recognize that God remembered noah 2.) i think it is important to recognize that God remembered the creatures he created [ another something interesting to think about ].

he remembered them. noah built an alter to the Lord. and God made a promise:

"'i establish my covenant with you, that never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of the flood, and never again shall there be a flood to destroy the whole earth.' and God said, 'this is the sign of the covenant that i make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations: i have set my bow in the clouds, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth. when i bring clouds over the earth and the bow is seen in the clouds, i will remember my covenant that is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh....when the bow is in the clouds, i will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature..."

i bet noah had whispers. the enemy of his heart whispered. when he was building the ark, when he was loading the ark, and when he was in the ark. i am sure the enemy whispered. maybe the whispers were from people and maybe they were in his heart but i am sure they were there. but noah was faithful, because the Lord was establishing an everlasting covenant with him.  

we go through situations daily when those whispers are in our heads and hearts. maybe they are from people and maybe they are just inside us. maybe we fall into the trap of resting in those whispers but we are not defined by the whispers we hear. we are defined by the One who cares enough to build covenants and set beautiful reminders. even though my mind is weak, i am made strong by the perfect power of the One who saves [ 2 corinthians 12:9 ]. 

 

now, when i read this quote i can rejoice knowing that we are strong and have the power to overcome whispers. 

rejoice in that fact today!

until next time,

-B 

#shereadstruth linkup

she reads truth is a a daily devotional for women. you can find their website here.

my freshman year resident assistant [ra] introduced me to the she reads truth community.
and i love it. you can even receive the daily devotion in your e-mail inbox.
so i read it....for a while.

then i stopped reading it for a REALLY long while. 

i recently re-joined the group of women who read this devotional daily with a friend of mine.
and it literally blows my socks off. every. day.

right now we are studying the book of titus [you can find the page for that here]. 

on day four we studied titus 2:1-5 with a focus on verses 3 and 4 which read,

"they are to teach what is good, and so train the young women."

now, i still consider myself a "young woman". i mean come on, i am only twenty. i, however, don't think that being a "young woman" excludes me from applying this passage. because while i may be a "young woman" there are women who are young[er] than me.

today, there are women all over the world blogging and discussing about how spiritual mothering [a term i am quite fond of] is being played out our communities and how Godly women have influenced our lives. You can find other posts similar to mine here. 

1.) how is spiritual mothering taking place in my personal community?
          a community is where you are. my community moves a lot [from alaska to indiana to ohio and back again]. everywhere i go i have examples of godly women--from my mom, to my grandmas, my mentor, and the ladies in the multiple "home" churches i have.
          not-so-young-but-still-beautiful ladies, i think it is important for you to recognize that to "teach what is good" you don't have to be directly in contact with someone. you can do this simply by living your life for Christ [i know i say "simply" like it is so easy. ha. what a joke.].
           so this is what it looks like for me. observing the Christian ladies in my life, going over to my mentor's house, and growing up in a strong Christian family [i feel that a #winning is appropriate here].

2.) how has a godly woman influenced me in my growth in the Gospel?
          yes. the end. just kidding! since going to college i have heard tons about all of these young ladies having a mentor. and i was like "what's that?' and "what does that look like?" so this past semester, i decided i wanted one. so i went to the store, found one i liked, and bought it [ha! if only it was that simple!]. you see, you're supposed to be honest with mentors and tell them what the haps are. sometimes this can be kind of difficult for me so i wanted someone nice. but that wasn't the only requirement. they also had to be a Christian [duh!], and be pretty, and have cute kids, and make really good sweet tea! i'm kidding. but this is what happened. i spent the semester praying for a mentor. then i flew home and went to my home church. there is this lady who attends my church, she is really nice, she is a Christian, she is pretty, she has cute kids, and makes the best sweet tea you have EVER and i mean EVER tasted [she is from south carolina...#winning].
          you would think i would just be able to ask and then we could get on with it. but it is kind of a big deal! so i waited a couple week [as in like 2?]. then i was talking with her about life while her kids were running around and i was supposed to be listening to a guest speaker [i apologize but this was a God planned appointment i am glad i didn't miss]. so we talked and then she left. and i didn't ask her to be my mentor. instead, i went home that night and texted her [because somehow that makes things easier] and she said she was thinking the same thing [#...just kidding i won't do it again].
          so we have been meeting every monday. we do a Bible study and chat. then she feeds me lunch and i spend hours playing with her kids. and. i. love. it.

3.) how would i like to see titus 2 shape my relationships moving forward?
          i have been reading Captivating by john and stasi eldridge. in the book they discuss this theory of learning by observing other women and asking, "what does this woman teach me about the heart of God?" and then i said, "wow." i think this quote, along with being willing to 1. speak into the lives of women younger [and maybe older] than me as well as 2. having women older [and possibly younger] speak into my life would be such a beautiful thing.


so that's it really. it may be a little difficult to step out and ask someone to mentor you OR to ask someone if you could be their mentor. but the blessings from both will be abounding.

what are your thoughts on spiritual mothers? is there a woman who has played a vital role in your relationship with the Father?

until next time,
- B

weekend retreat.

i have worked at the same youth group for around two years now. we go on a retreat each fall and winter. it involves a mini road trip and lots and lots of games [most of which i am no good at and that make my body ache for dayssss].

the trip started off well...i forgot my toothbrush. i may or may not have just stopped at meijer to buy a new one because i was too lazy to climb three flights of stairs to get to my room [judge all you want].

our driver, who just happens to be my boyfriend, wasn't too thrilled. i however, found the experience and my new toothbrush quite enjoyable.

the theme for the weekend was aroma [as in what kind of smell do you have?]. the thing that stuck with me the most was this analogy that they gave:

restaurants smell. each individual restaurant has an individual smell. when you go to restaurant you smell the smell. if you stay in the restaurant you become numb to the smell. when you leave the restaurant you take the smell with you. people smell your restaurant-ie [yes that is a word] smell.

sin. when we partake in sin. we feel bad. but when we bask and abide in that sin we become numb to it. we don't notice. we don't notice the stench we are letting off. but the people around us do. ouch. 

what a great realization i had. there are things i have been holding onto that don't necessarily mimic the actions of Christ. what kind of stench are you letting off? 

we always rent a 15-passenger van [party car].

beautiful facial expressions from Al, Dana, and Zach.

this would be dodge ball. notice the line of females not playing. 

i am one of those people.

since the olympics are happening, we were divided into teams with a team country.

ours was the best [also known as Jamaica].

each team made a banner. apparently people in Jamaica eat goats so obviously we drew a goat, a fork, and a knife. obviously.

one of the games was a couch relay thinger. each team had a couch...and we  had to CARRY it in the SNOW all around camp and do different challenges. every member of the team had to be touching part of the couch AT ALL TIMES [we unscrewed the pegs from the bottom and used that as part of the couch].

[also, i was obviously breaking the rules by taking this picture and not touching the couch. big deal.]

one of the challenges was to take pictures with our couch in the four corners of the gym.

there was a different type of picture in each corner.

this was duck faces and peace signs.

awkward family photo.

planking.

spelling "QHC" [Quaker Haven Camp].

Rusty and Tabitha Lumpkin were the speakers for the weekend.

They did a wonderful job and taught us lots of interesting facts about whale vomit.

[google it]

me and the boy. this is my camp/soccer mom look. ha

zach was upset because a snowplow was ahead of us.

we could barely see because of the snow it was stirring up.

i LOVED it.

even if we did have to go 1000000 times slower.

it took out a couple mailboxes too.

no trip to quaker haven is ever complete without a stop at dairy queen.

really.

i think the kids would cry if we didn't stop.

so we did.

i mean...i'm not complaining.

until next time,

B

traveling.

"when are you leaving?"

that is the question my little brother asked me the second he saw me upon my return for christmas vacation.
feel the love. 

if you know me well, you know i hate flying. i have had way too many bad experiences to count [they might not be that bad...i may just be a tad dramatic].

any-who, i was not looking forward to flying home. i just wanted to BE home. 
i was, however, excited to finish my book i have been reading, Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers [probably you should read it] while i traveled. 

each flight i take without getting sick is a milestone in my life and this time i had three. luckily, i had me friend, joe's, blessing. he said: "i wish you no screaming babies or neighbors with exceedingly wide girths". [thanks joe, i'm glad you care.]

- columbus, ohio to los angeles, california [1st flight] : nailed it. slept almost the whole time. 
- los angeles, california to seattle, washington [2nd flight] :  more than nailed.
     :on this flight from california to washington i was blessed to sit next to two wonderful ladies, donna and melinda. donna is an older woman who's niece recently passed away. donna now cares for her niece's three children. [she is pretty much super woman.] melinda was in her forties. she was a very driven, successful woman. she talked to me about her partner, her dog, her job, everything. who knew how much you could get to know someone in just a few short hours. 
      we all have a love for reading and i decided to tell them about this book that i was in love with, Redeeming Love. the book is based on the book of Hosea in the Bible and i felt compelled to tell them about it. now, it is a rare occasion for me to find a book that i am in love with. that is why the next part of this story got really hard. 
      i was sitting on the plane, reading my book. loving it. around 100 pages left. and a four hour layover coming up in seattle. i was golden. i was going to finish. [WAS is a key word here.] we were preparing for our descent when i heard jesus tell me to give melinda my book. 

funny jesus! you see i really like this book and i am almost done. so no thank you, i think i will keep it for myself. 

it's just a book, bethany. 

true. it is a book. a book i really enjoy. i don't want to give it to her. then i have to buy a new one and wait for it to ship to me. 
tell you what jesus, i'll give melinda my book IF [and ONLY if] she didn't bring a book with her. [melinda had admitted to me that she is an avid reader and sometimes is reading ten different books at once. i had jesus played.]

so, i turned to melinda: "did you bring any books to read on your trip?"
melinda [embarrassing me in front of jesus]: "no, i didn't! i left them all at home."

go ahead. laugh. 

i gave melinda my book. she started reading it the second i [slightly reluctantly] put it in her hands. 

i am unaware if melinda or donna are christians, but they gave no indication. i know that i cannot save melinda or donna. but jesus can. as i handed over my book, i sat for the remainder of my flight and prayed. i prayed for donna. for melinda. for my book: that jesus would use it to plant or water a seed. God is good. you see, melinda wasn't even supposed to be on the flight with donna and i. she had missed her flight earlier in the day and was lucky to get a spot on our flight. 

in seattle, i went to get my nails done [due to having four hours and no book]. the nail salon is great. you can go and get a manicure in a half hour....or an hour and a half in my case. kendall did a beautiful job on my nails. i enjoyed our conversation talking about her daughters and her non-profit organization she is trying to start. she plans on giving hospitalized teenagers the opportunity to do things they may miss out on. kendall has a wonderful heart and i would ask that you join with me to pray for her, her daughters [one of which was hospitalized for a number of months], and her sprouting non-profit.

you would think i would be peopled-out. but i am a talker. and it feels like no matter where i went or what i did, God had orchestrated my whole trip to the T. 

i grabbed some food and went to find an outlet for my phone. that is when i met cheryl. cheryl randomly introduced herself to me and started telling me about what an awful traveling experience she had. she was trying to get home to hong kong for her last medical classes before her finals and had missed her flight. now she had endless hours of travel and layovers. we sat and talked for a good hour about the differences between our cultures, being a christian in hong kong, and future medical plans we have. she even gave me a postcard from hong kong! [meeting people really is one of my favorite things.]

- seattle, washington to ketchikan, alaska & ketchikan, alaska to juneau, alaska [3rd flight] : golden. 
     :i sat next to a little girl who thought she knew me well enough to use me as a garbage. her dad was impressed. [my tired eyes? not so much.]


when i finally got home, after a very long day, i told me dad and sister about melinda and my book. 
my sister asked me what book it was. Redeeming Love. guess what. jesus owned me. there was a copy of the book at my house. [okay jesus, you win.] 

God is good. i sometimes wish i would have given melinda some contact information so i could keep up with her. but i am just going to have to trust and pray. and in a way, he kind of redeemed my view on traveling. funny how that works. 

have you had any experiences such as this? i'd love to hear about them! 

be anxious.

be anxious.
be anxious?
what? why? 
you may be thinking, "why is the girl who is always anxious and trying not to be telling me to be?" 

because: 

you have heard the story before.

baby Jesus.

how precious.

sometimes i think we tire of the glorious stories in the word.

we've heard it. we know it. yada yada yada.

new things can be revealed to us.

luke 2:41-51

          “now his parents went up to Jerusalem every year at the Feast of Passover. and when he was twelve years old, they went up according to custom. and when the feast was ended, as they were returning the boy Jesus stayed behind in jerusalem. his parents did to know it, but supposing him to be in the group they went a day’s journey, but then they began to search for him among their relatives and acquaintances, and when they did not find him, they returned to jerusalem, searching for him. after three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. and all who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. and when his parents saw him, they were astonished. and his mother said to him, ‘son, why have you treated us so? behold, your father and I have been searching for you in great distress.’ and he said to them, ‘why were you looking for me? did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?’ and they did not understand the saying that he spoke to them. and he went down with them and came to nazareth and was submissive to them. and his mother treasured up all these things in her heart.”

mary and joseph moved their eyes off of Jesus.

they assumed he was in their company.

when he wasn't, they were anxious. 

sometimes we take our eyes off of Jesus.

then we assume he is still with us.

and he's not. 

in those moments, i believe we should model mary and joseph's behavior and 

be anxious.  

anxious to find him. to draw near to him.

christmas and the new year is a time we can use to refocus. 

i hope you have a wonderful christmas and a beautiful new year!

a little patch of heaven.

echo ranch.
it is my home away from home.

when i was 16 years old i had the wonderful opportunity to serve at echo ranch bible camp in juneau, alaska for an entire summer. i worked as a wrangler--riding and training horses along with teaching children about horses and God's love. i was blessed even further the next year to have the same opportunity! two summers in a little patch of heaven.

although i have not had the ability to work at the camp for a full summer since i was 17, i sometimes go and visit my friends (the horses...and the people).

to get to the camp you hike two miles around a cove. the past two weekends, i hiked out and visited some lovelies. please enjoy the sights of my little patch of heaven:

(i want to apologize in advance for all of the billions of pictures. BUT the best ones are at the bottom...so probably you should just look at THEM ALL.) 

they have been doing construction on the road for far too long. stop and go. stop and go. but some good hymn singing makes it all worth while. 

the campers hike all along that tree line, two miles, to the camp. 

kind of a cloudy day so you can't really see the mountains....but wait until the sunday pictures. 

looking back to where i walked from. 

berry eating makes walking two miles worth it.

devil's club. it looks cool. 

doesn't it? 

until you see the sharp pokies hiding underneath. 

more berries. nothing better. 

one of my best friends, deidre, flew from ohio to speak at horse camp this week. i didn't know she was coming and almost started balling my eyes out when i saw her. i love her like a fat kid loves chocolate.

we went for a midnight run on the beach.....on horseback. it was dark. legit.

headlamps. you would think they would be helpful in the dark....but actually they didn't help. but they make you look cooler.

this is bruce at 1 in the morning. he was super stoked i was taking pictures. 

was that too many pictures of the cat? never. never too many. 

saturday morning walking to the dining hall. 

i made whoopie pies. if you haven't had them. make them. eat them. all of them. i made 60 something. pretty good for how often i step into a kitchen. 

 the wonderful ladies who spend their days making food for campers and staff. they are awesome.

maia papaya.

allyson (i call her mom).

mod. i told her to smile and she tried to pick up all of this stuff to pose. she is beautiful.

oreo filling. 

raspberry lemonade filling.

lemon filling.

we went swimming on our horses and were trying to take a picture of how wet we were. instead, enjoy this picture of hairy pants and my white legs. 

i have known this girl for two weeks and she already means a bunch to me.

aren't you glad that's over.

the view from the chapel barn looking towards the horse barn.

i think this picture speaks for itself.

 sunday morning. 7 am came too early. 

he woke up so he could say goodbye before i left. he's a keeper. however he wasn't thrilled i was taking shots of him. (i am a great girlfriend).

hogsback with the sun peaking over.

on the way back into town. i couldn't resist pulling over and snapping these:

highlights:
-when i am at camp, there is a MAJOR lack of sleep. friday night i stayed up til 3 am. i am beyond too old for that.
-my best friend deidre, from findlay ohio, magically appeared in the back of the truck singing to me              when i arrived. it was the best surprise i could have asked for.
-we went swimming on horseback in the river. it was deep. and cold (but that's alaska for you).
-chicken and waffles. (need i say more?)
-12 am horseback ride on the beach (we went faaasssssssssssttttttttt....i thought i was going to fall into           the ocean).
-friends. actually...they aren't really my friends. they are more like family.


if you ever feel compelled to visit me in alaska (or indiana for that matter) feel free. =) i would love to show you my favorite place on earth.